


If You Forget Me

by Wackadaisicl



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Boys In Love, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Fluff, Jeremy Heere Loves Michael Mell, Jeremy is into poetry, Kissing, M/M, Michael Mell Loves Jeremy Heere, Pablo Neruda's Poetry, Poetry, reciting poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:00:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29644068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wackadaisicl/pseuds/Wackadaisicl
Summary: Jeremy has gained many new interests since he became friends with Christine. Most surprisingly, poetry. He’d never had much interest in poetry before but now he finds himself drawn to the art form and wants to share this love with his boyfriend, even if he doesn’t really get it.
Relationships: Christine Canigula & Jeremy Heere, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Comments: 7
Kudos: 14





	If You Forget Me

Jeremy had gained many things since he became friends with Christine. It was inevitable, what with her boundless passion for nearly everything that she desperately wanted to share with anyone who would give her the time. From how to protest to where the best place to watch the sunset is, Jeremy had learned many things from her. He’d also gained new interests like musical theater and surprisingly, poetry. He’d never had much interest in poetry before Christine showed him a video of this girl performing beat poetry. It was mesmerizing the way she could put words together in such a beautiful way, eliciting emotions he’d never felt before. 

Poetry became a sort of secret hobby for Jeremy after that. When he wasn’t playing video games with Michael or hanging out with the Squid Squad or forcing himself to stop procrastinating on homework, he was looking up poetry. When he found a poem that spoke to him somehow, he’d copy and paste it into a Google Doc and add it to his ‘Poetry’ folder for later. He loved showing them to Christine, she always had such interesting thoughts and perspectives that lead to really interesting conversations. He even wrote some of his own poetry but he’d never dared to show anyone yet.

He’d found that if he practiced enough, he rarely ever stuttered when reciting poetry. It was freeing in a way, to have so much confidence while speaking. Lately, he’s been trying to memorize a poem by Pablo Neruda. It was kind of long and didn’t rhyme so it was a little more difficult for him but he loved it. The imagery was beautiful and every time he read it aloud he imagined he was speaking to Michael. It felt very fitting for their relationship.

They’ve been dating for a little over a year now and Jeremy was absolutely sure he’s in love. It wasn’t as scary as he thought it would be, realizing this. On one hand, he’s so far into heartbreak territory that there was no turning back. No going back to being friends without ruining anything because Michael was so much _more_ now. On the other hand, it’s Michael. Of course it was Michael, it’s always Michael. It was always _them._ Michael and Jeremy. Jeremy and Michael. _MichaelandJeremy._ Until it wasn’t, and suddenly they had to rebuild their relationship. Which was Jeremy’s fault, because of course it was, and he struggled not to hate himself for it everyday. And yet at the same time, some selfish part of him was glad. Happy, even, for the trauma they both endured. Because it was that rebuilding that led them to now.

No, he wasn’t happy he had left Michael like that and no, he wasn’t happy he had almost squipped the whole school. But, he was happy that it had led him to discovering all these feelings. To changing their relationship in all of the best ways possible. It was horrible and selfish and would never get expressed except through extremely complicated metaphors he was sure only he could understand but it was true. Which leads to the poem.

Michael and Jeremy both have insecurities. It’s human and it’s natural. They both have anxiety and getting a therapist is confusing when some of your trauma is from a super secret, quantum computer pill from Japan. So naturally, they both have their moments of doubt. They both worry the other will leave for someone better, someone less messed up and broken. When these moments happen, promises are usually made. Sometimes these are easier to believe than others but after 13 years they usually know how to comfort each other pretty well.

This is what came to Jeremy’s mind when he read _If You Forget Me_. It’s not a blind promise of forever, but at the same time it’s reassuring in its honesty. It’s a promise to love someone for as long as they love you. It didn’t immediately resonate with him. It sounds off-putting at first, almost threatening, but once he allowed himself to imagine the uncomfortable scenario of him and Michael breaking up he realized it was true. It’s hard to imagine a life in which he doesn’t love Michael but he could’ve said the same thing about his mom before she left. If they stopped working for whatever reason, he’d move on. It’d hurt like nothing he’s ever experienced has, just like his mom leaving did, but he’d move on. He’s done it before and he’d do it again. He’s a whole person on his own with his own independent life, Michael just makes that life better.

He just hopes Michael understands this when he (hopefully) recites it to him. That’s what he’s been reading and rereading the poem aloud to himself for. He wants to share this part of himself with his boyfriend, to tell him what the poem means to him and all of his eclectic thoughts on it. Michael will listen, even if it’s boring, because he always listens to Jeremy. That’s not what Jeremy’s worried about. He’s worried Michael will misinterpret it as his love being conditional rather than boundless and overwhelming and all of the cheesy metaphors he’s used to describe it in his poetry. It’s _everything_ and to him, that’s what this poem means.

~.~

Jeremy and Michael are hanging out at Michael’s house when Jeremy finally works up the courage to recite _If You Forget Me._ They started out playing video games, ended up making out after Michael beat him on Rainbow Road for the umpteenth time, and were now tangled together on Michael’s bed. They weren’t saying anything, just basking in each other’s warmth with dumb grins across their faces. These were some of Jeremy’s favorite moments. When it’s just them, together and in love and they don’t have to say anything because they _know._ Except, Jeremy _wants_ to say something.

“Hey Mikey?” He whispers into Michael’s shoulder. There’s a soft hum in response. “Cuh-can I… Can I show you something? Or, tuh-tell you something, I guess?”

Michael pulls back to look at his boyfriend, leaning on his elbow for support.

“Of course,” Michael says with a reassuring smile and Jeremy can’t help but think that smile alone is enough to make him fall in love all over again.

“So like, there’s this uhm… poem? That I like but you have to listen to the whole thing and then let me explain after, okay?”

Michael nodded. Trying to calm his sudden nerves, Jeremy takes a deep breath before starting.

_“I want you to know / one thing. / You know how this is: / if I look / at the crystal moon, at the red branch / of the slow autumn at my window, / if I touch / near the fire / the impalpable ash / or the wrinkled body of the log, / everything carries me to you…”_

He knew he was wearing a dopey smile but he couldn’t help it. It was true, everything reminded him of Michael now.

_“As if everything that exists, / aromas, light, metals, / were little boats / that sail / toward those isles of yours that wait for me.”_

His smile fell. This is the scary part.

_“Well, now, / if little by little you stop loving me / I shall stop loving you little by little.”_

It still hurt, to think about not loving Michael, but that’s what poetry is supposed to do. Poetry is supposed to make you feel things, and not always nice things.

_“If suddenly / you forget me / do not look for me, / for I shall already have forgotten you.”_

He honestly doubted that. Michael has been such a big part of his life for 13 years, it’s kind of hard to forget that. But that’s not the point. Michael wouldn’t forget him either using that logic and _that’s_ the point.

_“If you think it long and mad, / the wind of banners / that passes through my life, / and you decide / to leave me at the shore / of the heart where I have roots, / remember / that on that day, / at that hour, / I shall lift my arms / and my roots will set off / to seek another land.”_

Now he _knew_ that was wrong. If Michael were to get sick of dealing with him and all of his issues, it would take awhile to get over that. He didn’t know if he’d ever find someone else as amazing as Michael but that’s exactly why Michael would never leave him like that. At least, not for those reasons. He could still majorly mess up down the line. Again.

_“But / if each day, / each hour, / you feel that you are destined for me / with implacable sweetness, / if each day a flower / climbs up to your lips to seek me, / ah my love, ah my own, / in me all of that fire is repeated, / in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, / my love feeds on your love, beloved, / and as long as you live it will be in your arms / without leaving mine.”_

As he finished, he realized he was so focused on the words and saying them correctly and their meanings that he hadn’t really noticed Michael’s reaction. He tried to piece it together then but the boy’s expression was hard to interpret. He just looked kind of phased. He must have been waiting to make sure Jeremy was done because after a moment of silence, he finally spoke up.

“Damn, Jerm, that was… wow.” He didn’t get it. Jeremy had to explain.

“I just, when I read it I thought about you. Ah-and us. And how we both worry about luh-like being… good enough? And breaking up and stuff, I guess. I really like how the poem isn’t a promise for forever but like, a mutual relationship for as long as you maintain it. I’ll love you for as long as you want me, you know?”

Michael didn’t say anything for a while and as anxious as Jeremy was, he knew it wasn’t necessarily a bad sign. Sometimes Michael just needed a moment to process stuff, especially stuff like _all that._ Jeremy suddenly felt kind of bad for throwing all of that on his boyfriend. Maybe he should’ve just texted him a link to read it himself? 

But then Michael looked at him with a smile he’d never seen before and he was glad he’d recited the poem in person. He wouldn’t have gotten to see that expression through text.

“That’s really beautiful, Jer.” 

Jeremy grins. _He gets it!_ Then Michael leans in and Jeremy meets him with his lips. A quick peck turns into several quick pecks turns into a much slower kiss. Jeremy thinks it’s fitting. There’s no rush, it’s just them in bed, completely open and together. When they pull apart, Jeremy tucks his head back into Michael’s shoulder and he feels arms pull him closer. The ever-calming quiet is broken by giggling and Jeremy moved his head in a way to silently ask what was so funny.

“I’m sorry just, I really don’t get poetry, dude.” Jeremy saw that coming, he _had_ looked very confused before he explained further.

“That’s okay, I nuh-know it’s kinda boring.” He was jostled a bit as Michael violently shook his head.

“No, it’s cool! I may not get it but _you_ clearly do and I could listen to you talk like that for hours, to be honest.”

Jeremy was too flustered to respond to that so instead he kissed the underside of Michaels jaw, trailing kisses up to his lips.

~.~

  
Jeremy reciting poetry to Michael became something they did often during quiet moments like that first time. Michael really _didn’t_ understand poetry but he loved the way Jeremy’s eyes lit up when he recited it. He loved listening to Jeremy break down poems for him and give his own thoughts and feelings. The sight was mesmerizing, even fifty years later.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was very self indulgent. I hope you liked it anyway, I thought it was sweet. I just realized this is the first Boyf Riends fic I’ve actually finished and posted. Wow, good for me! Also, I love this poem so much and I’ve been memorizing it for the past couple days.
> 
> Anyway, have a fantabulous day and pls stay hydrated :)


End file.
